It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
