I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
