can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
