This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
