1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
