Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize