I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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