I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
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