I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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