12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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