You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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