just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
