Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Randomize
