i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
