Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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