fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
