her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
