It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
