He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
