i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
