dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
