lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
