So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
