Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Damn victory sex feels great
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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