I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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