No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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