I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
