we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
