i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
