Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
