i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
