My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
