Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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