I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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