how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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