So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I haven't been this sober since birth.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
