My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
