And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
