if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
