You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
