i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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