16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
