So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We need to get me chipped asap
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
