you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Randomize
