one might say we're banned from that church
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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