Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
