You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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