I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize