Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
im six kinds of drunk right now
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
