i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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