fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize