I looked at my own cervix.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
