She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
