Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
