i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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