She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
