It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We are two peas in an std pod
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
