Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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