marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well I just put wine in my tea
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
