eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just googled if crying burns calories
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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