he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
