i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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