I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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