would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
