She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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