There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
